It’s been ages since my last post, and much has happened. Perhaps not events so much, but emotionally. These posts are always about how I feel and I guess I haven’t felt strong enough to put hand to keyboard until now.
Moving to Germany has been huge and it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and honeymoon period, and to ignore the practicalities of learning a whole new way of being. I guess that was my state in my last blog.
I have never been unemployed. I worked in part time jobs since 15, paid my own way, managed my finances. In time I learnt a profession (Human Resources) and then another (Canine Behaviour). I ran my own business for over a decade. Over the years I have battled crises of confidence with each and every job. I was also one of those people who silently thought, why don’t unemployed people get off their backsides and find work? The simple answer, as I know now, is that it’s really not that easy. Society defines people by what they do for work or what they used to do. If you’re not “working” there is a huge void which can be filled with procrastination, sadness and depression. It’s a hell of a hole to get out of, and a somewhat embarrassing one at that. I went from 12-hour days to nothing in the space of a few weeks. This is aside from the cultural stuff of feeling like a stranger in a strange land, with a very lazy Greek dog in tow!
Sarah has had to support me, emotionally and financially. A huge weight to bear. My family back home have done the same for both of us. The past few months have taken their toll on Sarah, and at times our own relationship.
It’s hard to define when paths start to change from going the wrong way to going in the right direction. All I can say is that they are going the right way again. Sarah is my rock and I hope I’m hers too. We are so different, but we fit.
I’ve started to REALLY get to know some wonderful people over here. They have dragged me reluctantly shopping (thanks Alex), descended with birthday presents (thanks Ralf) or gone dog walking with me (thanks Jane). My German is still pants, but I’m starting to be less concerned about it. It’ll come in time and I can survive.
I also have TRUE friends around the world, who have read between the lines on messenger. How great is that? Nora, thank you for Introducing me to Victoria – her hypnotherapy session really was a turning point.
Working on health is essential to all of this. Ditching (most of) the sugar has been important and I’m using my essential oils consistently. There is also a wonderful abundance ritual which I have been doing, devised by my friend Sue in the US. I can tell you, it bloody well works! Reaching out to someone else in need puts your own worries into perspective too.
So I now have a couple of “jobs” and a couple of businesses. When something has felt wrong to me (ask me about the dead zebra house at some point) I have said no. My sister has extolled the virtues of portfolio income for years and I know what she’s on about now!
I don’t know if this post will resonate with anyone, but it’s cathartic for me.
Onwards and upwards! The next post will be happier I promise.
Lots of love. Kim